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Bad Owner
File:Bad Owner.png
Season 1, Episode 8
Vital statistics
Air date September 28, 2015
Written by Alfie Oulton & Josh Pollitt
Directed by Team Orangutan
Episode guide
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The Job Readdressed Problem
Bad Owner is the eighth episode of An Average Cartoon.

Sypnosis Edit

Mike reveals the sad past of how he and John began to respect each other.

Characters Edit

Transcript Edit

(Mike is playing with John)

Mike: Come on, John! Come on!

Alex: Dude, Mike must be the most awesome dog owner ever. I wish he was my owner.

Kyle: Your owner?

Alex: I’m a dingo.

Kyle: And?

Alex: It’s a dog breed. 

Kyle: Oh. Hey, didn’t you have a dog once though?

Alex: Uhhh-no. I don’t know what you’re talking about!

Kyle: Yeah, his name was Mark wasn’t it?

Alex: It-(he coughs)-it was Mulland and that was a long time ago.

Mike: What are you guys talking about?

Kyle: Alex’s old dog. 

Mike: He’s in his twenties. He’s not that old.

Kyle: No, he used to have a dog.

Mike: Oh, how long did it take you to get your dog to respect you?

Alex: I don’t know, it was years ago when I had him. 

Mike: Okay, me and John weren’t always good.

Alex: You weren’t?

Kyle: But you guys are like best friends!

Mike: Believe it or not, but I almost died thanks to John.

Alex: Explain.

Mike: Alright, it was about 13 years ago… I became 20.

(flashback)

(Mike is sleeping, when he suddenly wakes up to his family shouting surprise)

Mike’s Family: SURPRISE! 

Mike: Wha’! Guys! What time is it!? 

Mike’s Mom: It’s 5am. 

Mike’s Dad: You’re now in your twenties, meaning that you must know what it’s like to wake up super early in the morning.

Mike: But that’s only because of stupid Harold! 

Mike’s Mom: You can’t blame it on the dog. He’s only an animal!

Mike: Uhh. Aren’t we all orangutans? 

Mike’s Dad: What your mom is trying to say is-Yes. It’s Harold. So we’re giving him to you. He’s 100% your responsibility. 

Mike’s Mom: So be responsible.

Mike: Ugh. 

Mike’s Dad: Any waste, you pick it up. 

Mike’s Mom: Any babies, you take care of them.

Mike: I get it! I get it! Now get out! 

(he slams the door)

Mike: Harold! Get over here! You’re mine now. I guess. 

(Harold stares at him)

Mike: Let’s take you for a walk.

(I Ran by A Flock of Seagulls plays)

(Mike is running with Harold on the lead, they start running everywhere)

(Music stops)

Mike: Okay, we’ve ran around the city 5 times now. Are we done now?

(Harold is shown smiling, but then stops)

Mike: Fine.

(I Ran plays some more)

(they run more)

(music stops)

Mike: Done?

(Harold nods)

Mike: Finally! Woo! (he lets go of Harold’s lead and he runs off) Dang it.

(cut to later at night)

Mike: So, yeah, he ran away.

(Harold suddenly busts through the door, looking extremely overweight)

Mike: What’s he been eating?

(Harold collapses)

(he wakes up at the hospital)

Doctor: It seems that Harold is pregnant.

Mike: This makes no sense. Harold is a boy.

Doctor: No. Harold is female. You didn’t check, didn’t you?

Mike: Why would I even-urgh! Why is his name Harold?

Doctor: You mean her?

Mike: Yes, whatever!

(Cut to 1 year later)

Mike’s Mom: Mike! Where’s Harold?

Mike: He ran away again. It’s hard being responsible for 16 dogs! 

Mike’s Dad: My favourite dog is Dan.

Mike’s Mom: Mine is Ben.

Mike: We don’t have any dogs called Dan or Ben…

Mike’s Dad: What are their names again?

Mike: Barry, Gary, Harry, Larry, Terry, Will, all of those have “the second”s, Sky, Elvis and-

Mike’s Mom: And?

Mike: John.

John: Grr!

Mike: I hate him.

Mike’s Mom: Why?

Mike: Listen to his voice.

Mike’s Dad: He can’t speak.

Mike: Oh really? John! Speak!

John: I am a dog. Bark, bark.

Mike’s Dad: That sounds nothing like a dog.

Mike’s Mom: And he has no expression in his voice.

John: John is offended, deeply. 

Mike’s Dad: But he’s so awesome!

Mike: Come on, John. Let’s go look for your mom.

John: No.

Mike: Come on!

John: I will not do what the peasant tells me to do.

Mike: Peasant?

John: I will listen to all conspiracy theories that the internet puts out about this.

Mike: Let’s just go.

(cut to a mountain)

Mike: John, what do you like to do when playing?

John: I like biology. 

Mike: Yeah, yeah. Great. 

John: John is tired of this nonsense.

(John does a leap of faith off of the mountain)

Mike: No! John!

(Mike reaches out with his long arms)

Mike: No! They’re not long enough!

(John is just spinning in the air, then lands on all fours and looks at Mike)

John: Come down.

Mike: I’ll die!

John: I am not a dog.

Mike: Obviously you’re not! You can talk and do strange stunts!

John: One of my fathers is Grütish, I have a small Grütish power.

Mike: WHAT!? You know what, I’m just gonna jump!

(he jumps to Jesu Joy of a Man’s Desiring)

(very slowly, you see Mike quickly approaching the ground while screaming)

(Mike bashes against the ground and the music ends)

John: My bad. 

(music plays as John legs it to the closest telephone box and calls the ambulance)

Dispatch: We have a harmed animal, get to the mountain as soon as possible!

(song ends)

(Pale Blue Eyes by The Velvet Underground plays)

Mike: Ugh. John! John! Please! I just wanted you to respect me! The truth is-(he coughs really badly)-You’re my favourite! You’re my favourite dog! I love you, man!

(he sees doctors look at him)

Mike: Who are you guys?

(he notices John)

Mike: John! John!

John: I called the ambulance for you. It was all part of respect. 

Mike: John! You did it for me! For-(he coughs again)-Respect.

(the music ends and the screen blanks out)

Mike (VO): It was a few rough months for me then in the hospital. But ever since then, John and I had been extremely close.

(cut to modern day)

Alex: And what about all those other dogs of yours?

Mike: I still own them. Turns out they all had a smaller Grütish power in them too, but they can’t talk. But they can an expanded life. 

Kyle: That was touching, man.

Alex: Yeah.

Kyle: Do you know how Alex’s dog we-

Alex: He got hit by a car. That was it. 

Mike: Oh, I’m sorry for your loss.

Alex: Meh, it was awhile ago.

Mike: Yeah. Hey John!

(John turns around and runs to Mike)

Mike: Hi-five!

(John hi-fives Mike)

Mike: Good boy.

(The End)

Trivia Edit

References to IRL Edit

Episode Connections Edit

  • John is revealed to be Grütish, which is the name of people from the fictional country of Grütland, which was heavily used in the previous episode, The Job.

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