|Season 1, Episode 5|
|Air date||August 17, 2015|
|Written by||Josh Pollitt|
|Directed by||Team Orangutan & Josh Pollitt|
|Not Just a Sandwich||Related Pranks|
Kyle must perform a gig while Alex is in hospital.
Alex: Dude! Dude!
Alex: There’s a gig tonight!
Kyle: So, it’s not like we can play any instruments.
Alex: Yeah, but! I guess you’re right!
Kyle: Unless we practice!
Alex: Yeah! We gonna do this! (he jumps into the air, but punches a light, it smashes and hits Alex on the head, the screen fades to black)
(at the hospital)
Doctor: Ah, I see you’re awake.
Alex: What happened?
Doctor: A bulb hit you on the head. It started to make your head rapidly bleed. You have a head injury, don’t let anything damage that head, now.
Alex: But what about the gig?
Doctor: Oh, that was last night.
Alex: Without Kyle?
Doctor: All I know is that it was last night, ask him yourself.
Kyle: Hey Alex. I still went.
Alex: Really, what was it like?
Kyle: Well… (flashback to the day before)
Doctor: I’m afraid your dingo friend has a head injury.
Kyle: But we were supposed to go to tonight’s gig!
Doctor: Well, you’ll have to go alone!
(Kyle has a sad expression on his face, cut to the gig)
Man: Sign ups! Sign ups! If you wanna perform, then come here!
Kyle: Hey there sir.
Man: Hello Mr. Pig.
Kyle: Um, it’s Kyle Jones actually, but yeah. I wanna perform.
Man: Okay, what song?
Kyle: (he makes confused noises, but sees a guitar and keyboard) The Song of the Guitar and Keyboard?
Man: Great. You’re at 7.
(Kyle looks at his watch)
Kyle: Aaah! It’s 5:50! (he runs) Ugh! I’m such an idiot! I should have thought of an actual song!
(cut to the City Hall)
Dylan: So you’re telling me that you don’t even care about YOUR BEST FRIEND!?
Dylan: I understand. I’ve been like this with my friends in the past. But! You need help with instruments, and that’s why I’m here! I can help you with the guitar!
Kyle: Wait, you actually play?
Kyle: Great, do you have a tune?
(cut to the garage)
Dylan: It goes like… (he plays the guitar, the screen moves to Kyle, who’s mouth has dropped)
Kyle: Dude. Awesome!
(Kyle starts bashing random notes on the keyboard and it sounds horrible)
Dylan: Wow. I love this song. More than I love Jim’s mo-uuuh-mousemat! I love the mousemat of his, haha!
Kyle: Okay? This actually sounds terrible.
Dylan: Fine, I’ll help you!
(music plays as a montage of Dylan teaching Kyle how to play the keyboard)
Dylan: Right, final time. Three, one! Uhh, two?
(Dylan plays the guitar, Kyle goes onto the keyboard, music is playing for about 10 seconds, then Kyle sings)
Kyle: I bought a guitar and I bought a keyboard! I played them together, because I was bored! My friend smashed into the sky, he thought he could fly. This is the song of the guitar and keyboard! Two instruments was all I could afford! It’s full of keyboard, guitar. In your car! It’s a song! (the song finishes)
Dylan: Whoa, that was awesome!
Kyle: I know! I never thought we would both like the same thing!
(Kyle glances at his watch, it’s 6:50)
Kyle: Agh! The gig’s in 10 minutes!
Dylan: Let’s go.
Kyle: But, but!
Dylan: Come on, let’s go!
(they are at the gig)
Announcer: Alright, it’s time for the ninth performance! Jeremy Tyler with “All the Things She Said”!
(Jeremy Tyler starts singing the song All the Things She Said as Kyle and Dylan get there)
Jeremy Tyler: Don’t you look back on a big lost world!
Kyle: (approaching the man at the desk) Hey, we’re here to perform The Song of the Guitar and Keyboard.
Jeremy Tyler: Anywhere you go, you know I’ll still be waiting, all the things she said, she said!
Man: Hmm, (looks at computer) Ah, yes. Kyle Jones!
Kyle: I’ve also got a friend helping me, he’s on guitar.
(the man stares at him)
Jeremy Tyler: Never look back, never look back, never look-
Man: So you want to bring in a last minute guest, do you?
Kyle: Yeah, so what if I do?
Man: It’s against our policies.
(Kyle punches him, the man falls back onto a brick wall, killing him instantly)
Jeremy Tyler: All the things she said, she said! (the song ends)
(the crowd applauded)
Announcer: Alright, alright! Now for the tenth and final performance, Kyle Jones with… Oh, wait, an email.
(the camera shows Kyle and Dylan at the desk on the computer, changing the performance list with Kyle and Dylan)
Announcer: We have Kyle Jones and Dylan Grutling with “The Guitar and Keyboard Song?” Them. I guess.
(Kyle comes in)
Kyle: Everybody out there, (sad music begins to play again, each time he mentions a type of person, it shows one) Gamers, ballers, drinkers, tailors, managers, officers, doctors and anyone else who I missed out. I just want you all to know that this is for my best friend, Alex. A fellow officer at the City Hall who has a head injury, I too am an officer and this guy here is our captain. So if we screw up, just remember, this is for my poor dingo friend.
(the audience start crying)
Kyle: (sighs) I bought a guitar and I bought a key-(he stops as the microphone and stage start flying around, Kyle also flies up, they all go into a cloudy area, there is a giant microphone creature)
Microphone: KYLE JONES. I AM THE MANAGER OF SONGS AND YOU HAVE GOT EVERYBODY MAD.
Kyle: What, why?
Manager of Songs: You gave an emotional speech and then gone onto an immature song. You will now be arrested for such disappointment. Your sentence, DEATH.
Kyle: What, no! What if I change the song?
Manager of Songs: The song has been chosen already.
Kyle: Well can’t I be taken back in time to change it?
Manager of Songs: Well, I’ve never done that before. I guess I could.
(Kyle gets taken to earlier in the day)
Kyle: (he makes confused noises) The Song of the Guitar and Keyboard? No! I’ll do “Hospitalized”, the song name is “Hospitalized”.
(the screen shows a clock, the clock blurs to 7 o’clock)
Kyle: This is for my best friend, Alex. So if we screw up, just remember, this is for my poor dingo friend. (he breaths in) He was excited about this gig, the one where he would sing with his friend pig! We could have just sung a good song, we would have, but then things went really wrong! He is hospitalized, every night I cry! Because he’s gone. He’s got a head injury. That affected me. But he’ll one day be there to live.
(the screen blurs to the present day)
Kyle: So yeah, that happened.
(the doctor comes in)
Doctor: Alright, Alex. You’ll be ready to go home in a few minutes.
Alex: Okay, great.
Kyle: Look, Alex. I need to tell you something.
Kyle: I’ve got something for you.
(he passes Alex a mixtape)
Alex: Whoa, thanks bro.
Kyle: It’s got every single song, rap or whatever that we’ve done over the last three years.
Alex: Wait, were you recording this ever since then?
(they both smile at each other)
Doctor: Alright, Alex. You’re free to go, now.
(music plays as Alex and Kyle leave the hospital, Alex’s voice is heard over the top)
Alex: This is for Principal Williams, I know you hated my guts, but I want you to know that I hate you too, since our graduation, me and my best friend have done tons of things, we’re now qualified cops, we’ve defeated a video game monster, (flashback to The Gaming Within), wrestled and beat professionals, (flashback to Unqualified Wrestlers) and heck, we even got blown up and didn’t die. (flashback to Not Just a Sandwich) So I just wanted you to know, that maybe you should get a life and shove it! In your face! (the scene shows Principal Williams reading the letter)
Principal Williams: Man, he can’t be that great. Why not just sent me an email, you dumb dingo? (he rips the letter in half and walks off)
- Kyle's and Dylan's full names are revealed. Kyle is "Kyle Jones" and Dylan is "Dylan Grutling".